I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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