I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
