let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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