oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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