They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
