you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
