??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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