I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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