I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
