God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
