he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
