I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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