people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
