Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
