she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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