fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
