I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
