I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
