I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
