I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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