Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
