I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
