Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
