Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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