the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
