Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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