i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
