Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
