True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
