my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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