i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
