Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
