If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
