Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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