You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
