It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
