i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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