I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
