So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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