Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
