Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I will be naked everywhere
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
