It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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