I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
