Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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