I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
