Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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