she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
