Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
