last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
