i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
