I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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