1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
