we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
