Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
