Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
