Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize