My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
