K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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