I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
