can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
