And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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