Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
