I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
