i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Enjoy the penises
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
