Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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