I could make wine with my vomit
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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