Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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