i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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