A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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